I sit up tonight because I can't fall asleep. All my mind can seem to do is to process school thoughts.

As a new year begins, I once again begin my struggle to understand work and it's role in life. I know my life has been a linkage of millions of events, and because of those, I am a kindergarten teacher in Oxford. I am where I am in this moment. But I struggle so much during the year. Being a teacher, along with probably any job where you are intimately involved with people, is so draining. I spent so much time, energy, and thoughts into it. But I don't want it to be so much of life. Of course being so involved with people, there is a rich environment to minister as well. But part of me just wants to not have the obligation of "work" and just be around people and minister to them. I dream about life with a job that doesn't involve people. One I could easily leave at work and not think about until 9am the next day.

But I also am seeing the fruits of last year and being involved with people at work. After working in two schools and working with everyone in the elementary level, I have many relationships started and relish the times they've stopped into my room this summer to say hi. God has and is doing cool stuff at work. But I don't feel any control or much understanding of it's place in life right now. Maybe that is how it should be so I can't rely on myself as much, I don't know. All I know is that the whirlwind of school has begun and life for the next 9 months is intimately weaved in it.

As for this moment, I hate that I can't fall asleep. I hate busyness. I hate multi-tasking. I hate waking up early. These are the things school brings....and yet school is what I have chosen. Somedays I love being a teacher. Somedays I love serving children. There is a distinction between the two and I can't always decide which I'd rather be doing.